As father of a Tween or a young teenager can you believe that your son or daughter is years away from the "relationship". You might even believe that acai juice has the power to reverse global warming and the difficulties of the economy. Face it, most of middle schoolers are totally focused on zone boyfriend/girlfriend. What do you think all IMing and texting is about? Im not suggesting that they are ready to create and maintain healthy romantic relationships. Geez no! Many of them are still sorely challenged in Department of friendship. But that didnt keep them from flirt, shredding and be crushed.
Most of the tweens and teens are naturally curious about sex and relationships (two very different efforts that our culture has collapsed unfortunately in one). Are also under immense pressure to pair up social. There is pressure from peers, the media and well, Yes, even by some parents not so secretly get off on the reflected glory of the popularity of their seventh grader with the opposite sex. So theyre going to experience relationships-that is a good thing, and its how they learn.But there is no reason to think they need to stumble through the zone of BF/Gf totally incapable. we should provide them with a few basic rules, and Im not talking about contributions of purity.
To help you and your son/daughter of these conversations (Yes, there must be more than one) I created a report Bill of Rights.Please dont mothball this only because the child is not dating back yet.These rights apply not only to the area of BF/Gf, but also of friends too. children should be able to stand up for themselves in all relationships. parents must model assertiveness in their lives as well.
The Charter of fundamental rights of the relationship
is your right to have feelings for anyone you choose. Friends can have opinions worth listening to, but who you are with friends or lovers is your choice. You have the right to express your feelings or to keep them to yourself.
Just because you have feelings for someone doesnt mean you have to tell anyone or do anything. You have the right to feel safe.
It is important to feel safe, physically and emotionally, at all times when youre with another person. If you dont, speak up and/or breaking the ASAP. You have the right to be treated with respect. You deserve the opportunity to express your thoughts and feelings without fear.
You have the right to be heard by the other person And what you have to say should be respected.
You have the right, in its time (without fault-tripped).You can spend as much time as you like away from the other person-whether its to hang out with other friends, be with family or doing something on your own. You have the right to say no. Is your body and nobody should pressure is when it comes to getting physical. Is also the right to say no to drugs or alcohol.
Disrespecting if the other person ignores the "no" then theyre at it.(See # 4) You have the right to open, honest communication, If something is going on in the report, she and the other person need to talk about it.You have the right to terminate a relationship. No matter what are the reasons.If you want, quit. you dont have to justify or explain how it feels to anyone.Helps children understand their rights can enable them to make healthier choices, when you arent around.
Annie Fox, m. ed.is an award winning author, educator and consultant online for parents and teens.Anniefox.com
Read excerpts from his books: too stressed to Think? and the new series of school Confidential. download (for free) his book entire: Teen Guide for dating & Relating.
Listen to his podcast series "Family confidential: Secrets of successful parents"-familyconfidential.com.
